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1. 

   jetmech
   Member

   Dear Colonel,
   my giant hickory stick i used to beat woman away with has broken..Now i have no way of letting all the freaks know that i'm married..
   thanks and KNIFE TO THE EYE!

   Posted 11 months ago #
2. 

   Rollie Dingo
   Member

   Dr Colonel,

   Another question. I'm not shy in saying that I've had my share of success with the ladies over the years, but even so, the rejections still hurt like a bitch. I'm a good lookin' guy and I've got a solid game plan. But while the successes are great, the failures screw up my confidence big time. Am I overthinking this? What's the best way to rebound quickly and get back into the game? Booty calls to previous honies? A trip to the strip club? Porn? Crochet?

   Your fan,
   Shattered in Sandy Eggo

   http://www.twitter.com/rolliedingo

   Posted 11 months ago #
3. 

   Colonel Large Cock
   Member

   Dear Shattered,
   The Colonel has never been rejected, and therefore has no idea how it feels. He has however, rejected many "bush pigs" and recalls much wailing and crying. The Colonel feels you must "cleanse" yourself of some of your interior designer ways. I suggest you put on a snuggie, grab a tub of icecream and watch Will and Grace. Once you have finished sobbing, you should move onto phase 2. This involves A. Going to a football game, drinking beer and screaming obscenities at people. B. Going hunting, (kill and skin an animal, preferably a lion or elephant) C. Bangin' skanks (especially celebrities) Britney, Paris, Lindsay etc. By now you should be feeling on top of the world! Problem Solved! CLC
   PS The Colonel recommends visiting your local physician for an STD test.
   As The Colonel says, "Of course you're still a virgin if you take it up the ass!"

   http://twitter.com/ColoneLargeKok

   Posted 11 months ago #
4. 

   jetmech
   Member

   wtf i get skipped, i'm still hickory stick-less here..

   Posted 11 months ago #
5. 

   Colonel Large Cock
   Member

   Dear Jetmech,
   your post appeared more like a statement than a question, which is why I didn't answer it. I will now however, try to answer your question. Please be patient, The Colonel is very busy! He has to share his time between his practice and bangin' chicks. CLC

   Posted 11 months ago #
6. 

   noname
   Member

   Dear CLC,

   My hairdew has proven very succesfull over the years. It represent that in which is impossible. For example, because of my hair, i am able to invest a deep lying pleasure within women that allows them to have multiple orgasms within several minutes. I am still an ordinary man, but the hair creates a fantasy within these women's subconcious minds that allows me to pleasure them to the fullest extent of the human body.
   Please consider my apprenticeship, for i may have some things to teach you.

   Thank you,

   the who has no name.

   http://www.twitter.com/benjiisan

   Posted 11 months ago #
7. 

   Sigh (DonSimeoni)
   Member

   Dear Colonel,

   how did you get ranked colonel?
   is colonel large cock the full rank?
   if so is private small cock the begginer rank?
   are you a chicken farmer?
   did you know colonel sanders? you both seem to like chicken?
   if you knew colonel sanders did he tell you what the herbs and spices were?
   did he use them to grow that mighty facial ensemble he had going on?
   do you feel ike some KFC now too?

   /sigh

   meh...I'll do it later
   

   Posted 11 months ago #
8. 

   jetmech
   Member

   ahh i see your are wise in grammar also...I failed to wrap up my statement with a final compact question....i will take my 50 lashes at once.....

   Posted 11 months ago #
9. 

   insertnickhere
   Member

   Dear Colonel,

   What's the best advice you can give me? and Is it ok to have sex with a midget?

   Now that it's all over, what did you really do yesterday that's worth mentioning?

   Posted 11 months ago #
10. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear noname,
    you poor, deluded individual. So you think your hairdew [sic] helps you pleasure the ladies. Well what do you think a big fucking red comb does for them! The Colonel feels you are far too cocky to be his apprentice. The Colonel knows all and therefore can't be taught anything. CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #
11. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Sigh,
    I achieved my Colonel ranking from my time in Nam'. The term "Rooster" was named after me. "Colonel Large Cock" or CLC is the full ranking. The lowest ranking is "The Purple Grimace" which is the lowest of the low. No, I am not a chicken farmer! Haven't you read my bio? I'm the current World Heavyweight Cockfighting Champion and a qualified sex therapist. Yes, I do know that "fake" Colonel. When I was young I lived on one of his farms. I was due to be slaughtered, and when he came to get me, I cock slapped him and escaped! He did tell me what the herbs and spices were. You may be surprised to know they consist of the dead skin flakes from under his beard! Quite disgusting! The Colonels' own nugget sauce is much tastier! I never eat KFC, I much prefer Red Rooster! CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #
12. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear insertnickhere,
    They aren't midgets! We refer to them as "little people" and it is perfectly acceptable to have sex with them. They are the perfect height for fellatio, and if you can find one with false teeth and a flat head you are extremely lucky! The best advice I can give is, "When in doubt, whip it out" It has always served me well. CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #
13. 

    noname
    Member

    Dear CLC,

    Very well.

    Posted 11 months ago #
14. 

    Sigh (DonSimeoni)
    Member

    according to the local ad's red rooster only exists in australia..... and only one giant cock lives here that fights and is qualified to be a sex therapist..... are you russell crowe???

    Posted 11 months ago #
15. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Sigh,
    I have property in Australia, and spend some of my time there. I think you may be confused, Russell Crowe is a giant "Cockhead!" and from what I've heard, used to bang sheep as a young child in NZ. CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #
16. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear noname,
    I have noticed you've changed your avatar. Coincidence, or proof I was correct about your hairdo? CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #
17. 

    mike 80
    Member

    dear colonel,
    is it true that you need to breathe hard when you masterbate or having sex so you wont come so fast?

    Posted 11 months ago #
18. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Mike 80,
    No. This is incorrect. If you breathe too fast you will hyperventilate and possibly end up like Michael Hutchence! The Colonel recommends using a cock ring. I myself use a hula hoop. For you I would suggest a small earring. CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #
19. 

    edub
    Member

    Dear CLC,

    I don't have any questions right now, Actually just one or two. Since you have been around the block and know your stock well, is Grassy and or Grimace, or invisible Grimace a hen or a rooster, I trust that you have had sex with them already?

    Appreciation kudos to you.
    I hope Conan picks you up on the show in addition to that cigar smoking dog. Also, you seem to cut to the core more so than that Anna David.
    You are an inspiration to all that can swing the lead.
    You are underrated, but not under used.
    yours, Mr. Volkswagon.

    Posted 11 months ago #
20. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Mr.Volkswagen,
    thank you for your kind words. You show potential as an apprentice for The Colonel. Yes, I am similar to Anna David, only good!
    Grassy and I were lovers, until that Purple whore stole him from me! Grassy and the Grimaces' are not hens/roosters, and If I understand your inference, I have no relation to them. I am in the process of shopping around the possibility of my own talk show with Olivia as my sidekick. If Jimmy Fallon can do it, anyone can! Thanks again, CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #
21. 

    noname
    Member

    Dear CLC,

    Drunk one night, i lit it on fire. Thus why i no longer have my fro. Miraculously- my cock has not changed.
    I have no interest in being your apprentice anymore, but thank you for the consideration.
    Thanks,

    Ben

    Posted 11 months ago #
22. 

    RogerGaw
    Member

    Dear Colonel,

    I challenge you to a cock fight.

    Sincerely,

    Roger "Captain Huge Dong" Gaw

    I write articles for a nerdy website known as the The Nerdiest Kids

    Posted 11 months ago #
23. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear noname,
    Judging by your new avatar, I see you have been attempting to fellate The Colonel. Keep trying, you'll get there eventually! CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #
24. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Roger Gaw,
    You do know The Colonel is the current World Heavyweight Cockfighting champ? As part of my training regime I do three thousand "cock ups" a day! The Colonel welcomes all challengers, but I must inform you that The Colonel can never be defeated! C is for Comatose, that's good enough for me! CLC
    PS Did Olivia steal Om Nom nom nom from you?

    Posted 11 months ago #
25. 

    RogerGaw
    Member

    Dear Colonel,

    Yes Olivia stole my cookies

    Posted 11 months ago #
26. 

    edub
    Member

    Dear CLC,

    Have you ever had any close calls ? Do you have any found momentos?

    Or are you just Billy Idol style, and say, "Let's just share what we got, and let's get on with it !"
    Rock on!
    e-dub

    I was afraid that the "cookie-mon" could be your competition.
    "om nom nom", that dude eats a lot of cookies.

    Posted 11 months ago #
27. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Mr. Volkswagen,
    I assume you mean close calls of a sexual nature? I was bangin' a young fox one time, when her husband came home! He tried to grab me, but I cock slapped him and got away. I am very proud of my World Heavyweight Cockfighting Championship belt. I often wear it whilst making love! Mementos? I do collect pubic hair from my coquests (not a misspelling) and use it to line my nest. As you can imagine, my nest is quite large and has a good six feet of padding. Cookie Monster is no threat to me (especially a vegetarian version) CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #
28. 

    edub
    Member

    Dear CLC,

    Mementos, well never mind. I imagine both you and James Bond have enough recurring momentos to rival Picasso.

    Question.

    When doing your duty, CLC,

    at the moment of excitement, ....are you thinking about the chick that you're bangin', or.... are you thinking about yourself, and your stiff junk in act of banging, that makes you so excited ?

    I often wonder myself.

    Yours, -e-dub

    Posted 10 months ago #
29. 

    Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Mr. Volkswagen,
    just before I blow my nugget sauce, I think of the woman, and how lucky she is to be banged by me! That's what really ruffles my feathers! CLC

    Posted 10 months ago #
30. 

    Peaches
    Member

    @CLC lol wow..

    http://twitter.com/PeachPosh

    Posted 10 months ago #

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