Subscribe to OliviaMunn.com

E-MAIL
by pressing send you agree to our privacy policy
VIA RSS
Log In
Hot Tags

OliviaMunn.com » OFF TOPIC

Colonels' Corner - 116 posts

  • Started 11 months ago by Colonel Large Cock
  • Latest reply from Gerrad
12…4

  1. Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    World renowned Cocksman and qualified sex therapist Colonel Large Cock will now be giving sex advice and tips! He has helped put many people on the road to sexual fulfilment including many celebrities! Some of his success stories have been, Pee Wee Herman, Hugh Grant, Charlie Sheen, Britney Spears, Courtney Love and most recently Vince Shlomi! The Colonel is also offering his own "hands on" version of colonic irrigation!
    Please note: The Colonels' advice is of an explicit nature and those that are easily offended should probably fuck off now!

    http://twitter.com/ColoneLargeKok
    Posted 11 months ago #

  2. AnotherA
    Member

    Dear Colonel,
    I'm not having sex right now, what should I do?
    Slightly frightened,
    Andy

    I've got a good feeling about you.
    Posted 11 months ago #

  3. Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear AA, fortunately The Colonel has never had this problem and therefore doesn't give a flying fuck! He suggests you buy a 12 pack of chicken nuggets and offer them to that young prostitute, or invest in a fleshlight. CLC
    As The Colonel always says, "An empty Ballbag is a happy BallBag"

    Posted 11 months ago #

  4. AnotherA
    Member

    Dear Colonel,
    If I may ask a followup question.
    A chick I had a crush on in High-school recently contacted me out of the blue. She made sure to let me know she was single.
    How should I proceed?
    Courageously,
    Andy

    Posted 11 months ago #

  5. Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    You should have told me this before! I have wasted my fucking time answering your first question!
    Be very careful! She sounds like she's looking for a meal ticket! To avoid any unwanted pregnancies I suggest you bang her up the arse or give her a Pearl necklace! Then, piss her off, quick smart! Better safe than sorry!

    As The Colonel says, the only thing a woman likes better than Diamonds, is a Pearl Necklace!"

    Posted 11 months ago #

  6. kilo
    Member

    Dear Colonel,
    I have mysterious bumps appearing on my penis
    It seems like they don't hurt anything and my girl loves the way they feel
    Should i see the doctor to make sure I'm not dieing
    Worried,
    Kilo

    Drama Mushrooms!!!
    Posted 11 months ago #

  7. Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear kilo, No, quite the contrary! Before you make love to girlfriend, stick your penis in a beehive to create more bumps! Hopefully the honey will stick some live bees to your Bell End, thus increasing stimulation, and also providing some lubrication!
    As The Colonel says, "Foreplay? Never heard of them! Is that Chris Martins' band?"

    Posted 11 months ago #

  8. Invisible Grimace
    Member

    .....oh YES! Dear COLONEL! ME contacting you ANONYMOUSLY, soo privatey, hush hush no be alarmed, you not see ME, ME in shadows. You call me ZORRO for time being. oh YES Colonel, ME who you can call ZORRO need to know how ROMANCE secret dreamy POULTRY who have so rough exterior but me KNOW have soft-cherry center, oh ME just KNOW it!! Dear Colonel Loneyhearts, help ME!!

    Posted 11 months ago #

  9. Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Grimace,
    you've got some nerve! First you steal my Grassy and now you think you can get your hands on my chicken log! You'd better join a brass band because that's the only way you'll get a Rusty Trombone!

    As the Colonel says, "In a darkened room, a hole is just a hole"

    Posted 11 months ago #

  10. OOTINI
    Member

    OOTINI!!!!!

    Posted 11 months ago #

  11. Jack
    Member

    Holy god this forum got weird......I blame Grimace.

    Posted 11 months ago #

  12. TrojanMayhem (Minja)
    Member

    I never want to see and/or hear the word cocks and man in the same sentence or as one word or any variation there of ie...in the original post.

    http://twitter.com/trojanmayhem
    Come manifest yourself in front of me, that I may pee on you......
    Posted 11 months ago #

  13. Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    The Colonel doesn't understand the point you are trying to make. Only someone that isn't a Cocksman would say that!
    P.S. When are you going to make a condom big enough to fit the Colonels Large Cock?!;)

    Posted 11 months ago #

  14. Rollie Dingo
    Member

    Dear Colonel,
    Here's an age old question, but I'm hoping you have the answer. How do I tell the stripper that I'm dating that I want a three-way with her hot asian coworker, but then I want them to leave after we're done so I can get a good night's sleep?? Sometimes, you just want to get the deed done then get some shuteye, but they always want to talk and cuddle afterward for half the frickin' night! What's up with that? What am I to do? Grin and take it because we're bringing in a third or just tell it like it is?
    Thanks CLC,
    Sleepless in San Diego

    http://www.twitter.com/rolliedingo
    Posted 11 months ago #

  15. Riverside216
    Member

    CLC, I have this friend that had a dream of your 20 foot dick, and now she wants your babies, what should I do?

    Thanks CLS,
    Adam Hachmi (AKA god)

    http://gamezandtech.blogspot.com/
    http://twitter.com/ahachmi
    Posted 11 months ago #

  16. Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Riverside, I'm a very busy Rooster, and many women would like to bear my children. If she would like to swing by the Hen house, I can spray he with mu nugget sauce while I service my hens. Then, it's just a matter of her rubbing it in! Regards CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #

  17. Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Sleepless in San Diego,
    I suggest you pretend to be an interior designer. It's a well known fact that women like nothing better than trying to convert a gay man! Pretend you are scared, and ask her if her co-worker can be present as support, and you're on your way! Getting rid of them after can be tricky, but I have a surefire way of getting them to leave. Simply shit the bed! They'll be out of there in the blink an eye! CLC
    As The Colonel says,"A man that dislikes the taste of fish, will never have a happy girlfriend";)

    Posted 11 months ago #

  18. JessE
    Member

    Should guys manscape and to what extent? Some girls like it smooth and some like it more natural. Why are chicks so confusing?

    http://twitter.com/jrod1018
    http://jesserodriguez.wordpress.com/
    Posted 11 months ago #

  19. heyolivia
    Key Master

    Dear Colonel,
    Why are men obsessed with having a threesome?
    Love, Olivia

    Posted 11 months ago #

  20. keebler980
    Member

    fivesomes are the new threesomes

    Posted 11 months ago #

  21. Spiffster
    Member

    Dear Colonel,
    Why aren't more men obsessed with having a threesome or Olivia Munn
    The Spiffster

    Posted 11 months ago #

  22. kilo
    Member

    Dear Colon,
    Can I sell my soul to you for your raw sex appeal.
    That way I will never have to worry ab out the physical aspect of a relationship again.
    Please, Kilo

    Posted 11 months ago #

  23. JessE
    Member

    Question: Why aren't women obsessed with threesomes?

    Posted 11 months ago #

  24. Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Olivia,
    It's a pleasant surprise for The Colonel to see you asking his advice. It was however, inevitable, as everyone loves Large Cock!
    The reason men like threesomes' is that they are inadequate in the bedroom! (except for The Colonel of course) Having another woman in the mix takes the pressure off, after they've shot their load in two minutes! Plus, they can make the bed and clean up afterwards! CLC
    As The Colonel says, "No amount of threesomes' could compare to one night with sweet Olivia!"

    Posted 11 months ago #

  25. Jack
    Member

    @CLC You're one well spoken rooster.

    Posted 11 months ago #

  26. OOTINI
    Member

    Dear Colonel,

    I was recently involved in an "experience" with two tuscan raiders, a bantha, and Obi Wan. I think the tuscan raiders were both female, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I've been itching all over recently, I don't know if its from the desert sand, or something else. Should I be worried?

    OOTINI !!!!!!!!!!

    Posted 11 months ago #

  27. Rollie Dingo
    Member

    Thank you CLC. Yes, I find that playing the gay, being unsure if which side to play on and shopping at Bath & Bodyworks with hot chicks gets me a lot of play. Some men use the ol' stuffed sock in the pants, I play the gay card; to each his own, c'est la vie.

    Thanks for the advice. Follow up question though, how do I get the shit stains out of my sheets? You may like to sleep in your filth, but I find that having a lingering BM smell deters the ladies from being with me, even when playing the gay card.

    Appreciative, still sleepless and soon to be stinky,
    Rollie

    Posted 11 months ago #

  28. Colonel Large Cock
    Member

    Dear Rollie,
    you disappoint me my friend, the answer is simple! To avoid messing up your own bed, always make sure you go to their place! Once you shit the bed they'll kick you out quick smart! CLC

    Posted 11 months ago #

  29. Rollie Dingo
    Member

    *slaps hand to forehead*
    Yes! yes, yes...how stupid of me! Guess that's why you're the cock, always thinking with that head! I am but a mere asshole.

    Thank you forever,
    Rollie

    Posted 11 months ago #

  30. liesforliars
    Member

    Dear Colonel: How did you become such a ladies man, and how can I grow up to be just like you?

    Food tastes so much better when its punched into your face
    http://www.twitter.com/liesforliars
    Posted 11 months ago #

RSS feed for this topic

12…4

Reply »

You must log in to post.